Archive | November, 2010

A story of everything

29 Nov

Once upon a time in the future scientist discovered the theory to everything. It got proven right but the reality of it was horrible to humanity. So we started lying again.

And we all lived happily ever after.
Then the end.

Blog 2.0 - Then the end

What sort of games do I like? (Mr. Negativ goes Posetiv)

18 Nov

Dear Internet,
I have written some blog entries about the problems in video games that really annoys me. How I hate games that are about button hitting, and games where the solutions seem very narrow and/or strange. New examples could be the needs for keys in shoot´em ups. Why can´t I just blast a hole in the wall? But in this entry I would like to be postive for a change and write about some games I like and why. These games have the AndyAce83 approval. An approval of quality.

The AndyAce83 approval. An approval of quality!

Resident Evil 0-3
I like adventure games, especially when the games have an interesting story. But my favorite genre is the action-adventure sub-genera Survival Horror. The cream of the crop is the four main story installments of the original Resident Evil franchise. When I was young I remember people talking about the original Resident Evil game for PS. How they got frightened when the dogs jumped in the window. Later when I played the Resident Evil remake for Game Cube, I could not agree more. The first RE game, and the following 2,3 and 0 have a great story (although very vague) that creates a great ambiance and game feel. If you like killing zombies, but want less killing more surviving, the first RE games are my clear recommendation. Other games like Dead Rising, Left for Dead and Dead Space have made the game more about killing than surviving. It´s about the quantity of gore. In the RE games it´s about saving your bullets and using your wits.

Wesker, what´s he up to? Oh, he´d planning a quick fix world domination plot in about ten years.

Resident Evil 4
RE4 was the last game of the Resident Evil series I enjoyed wholeheartedly. I have played RE5 to, but the story felt forcefully ended and the plot seemed absurd. The cool background villain of Wesker´s final plot was revealed only to have it about some James Bond like world domination. In RE4 there is a reboot in game play, setting and plot but not so much as it seems unrelated to the previous games. RE4, if not counting RE5´s stupid explanations, would create a exiting and strange expansion to the Resident evil world. It´s more about killing “zombies” in this game than the previous titles, but it still has a lot of the RE feel.

Monkey Island 1-3
A monkey for a wrench? A MONKEY FOR A WRENCH!!!!” . Yes, the solutions to many of the puzzles in the Monkey Island games are idiotic. Idiotic funny that is. I like the first three games of Monkey Island, where my favorite is the third one. I know there are alot of Monkey Island fans out there who think that only the two first one is really good, but I enjoyed the new animation and feel of the last one as well. And the Money Island theme in the third one is my favorite interpretation of the music.

I am the best Daddy. The little siste told me so.

Bioshock 1 &2
Andrew Ryan=Ayn Rand. Get it? I seldom brag about being clever, as that is an annoying trait, but when I realized (on my own) that Rapture worked as a statement of the pure objectivism of the real philosopher Ayn Rand I really felt clever. The game is not just clever in it´s plot theme, but they really made an entire believable world in this game that I love. When I returned to Rapture in the sequel the world was just as exciting to me. Yes, “been there, done that” etc. but the second game had enough new material and theme to make it just as exciting as the first.

Killer7
Speaking of feeling clever, sometimes games give me that feel. I bought the game Killer7 because of the Capcom logo on the cover. I have always have faith in Capcom. The people who made Street Fighter, Resident Evil and Mega Man (also Devil may Cry and Dead Rising. but I don´t care for them) where therefor a sign of quality. I was not disappointed. The game play was not all that, but placed together with an artsy story, style and plot it came together to create a feel that blew my mind. BUT the really, really real reason why I enjoy this game was a little subtle reference throughout the game. The constantly referred to my favorite band THE SMITHS. It took me a while before I noticed it. But then I thought… “What the hell?” and then “HELL YEAH!” followed by goosebumps. I like it when people share my convictions. If you want to give me an easy thrill, give me a reference to the Smiths. I am a sucker that way;)

´´JUMP! JUMP DAMN YOU!´´ A Mario Mario picture I made inspired by the original game graphic, not the manga like new editions;)

Super Mario Bros 1-3
If I want a game of button hitting, I often go old school. The three first games of Super Mario Bros are great. They really are.

Mega Man
If I want more button hitting I go for the little robot in blue. The music alone makes these games great, but add crazy scientist and cute graphic then you got the masterpiece that is Mega Man. I do not enjoy the Mega Man X series though!

Blog 2.0 - A blog for the playa... bitch!

How to get an eating disorder.

15 Nov

Soo…

You wanna be a lean, mean, skinny machine but exercise and dieting only makes you see your lower rib bones and you can not scratch the spinal cord from your belly button.

AMC aims to please, and has gotten alot of letters and e-mails from young girls and woman needing to get rid of excess fat and tissue. So here is the guide of how to get an eating disorder, and the pros and cons for each.

There are mainly three kinds of eating disorders that could give a woman the fashionable “skeleton with skin look”.; Anorexia nervosa, Bulimia nervosa and the mix of these two. I will explain the pros and cons of each disorder, and at the end tell you how to get them.

Anorexia nervosa

Remember! Anorexia is not just for the women of the world. There are alot of fat males too.

Anorexia nervosa is the proses of not eating anything… ever! By not eating anything your body starts a something known as catabolism, which everyone has, but where fat people break down new energy from constant eating, you will digest your own body instead. By digesting your own body, fat will disappear, and a new healthy look will appear. Anorexia has an incidence of between 8 and 13 cases per 100,000 persons per year

Pros: This is the best way to get skinny. It´s faster and more effective than any other diet and it´s so easy even a model can do it.

Cons: It does demand a lot from you. Even though the two step program is easy to learn (just “1) stop eating, 2) exercise”) you need to be in total control over your own body to do that. If you don´t think you have the backbone for it, (or the need to feel your backbone), then perhaps Bulimia nervosa is the better choice.

How to achieve Anorexia nervosa
YOU GOTZ TO WANT IT YOU FAT BITCH! Look at your self. Fuck! I don´t understand how you can believe anyone would want such a fucking fat ass!
This is the mantra to any Anorexia nervosa success. As of now you do not have any control over your life. You´re not a model like you thought you would be and male attention give you only temporal pleasure (and besides sperm is fattening). You need to take control over your self. No more binging, no more salad with dressing. No more anything. Look in the mirror. LOOK! How can you stand yourself. You have no control over you life. NO CONTROL! If you can´t control you own body, how can you control anything else? You need to show restraint. When you know that you have no controll over your own life you need to bow down to the two-step program of; “1) stop eating, 2) exercise“.

    1) Stop eating: Eating causes harm, and only weak people does it. You need to stop eating right now!
    2) Exercise: Everybody know that exercise is good for you as it makes your body beautiful and you´ll live forever young. Now fat people exercise once or twice a week, you need to exercise once or twice A DAY!

If you follow this two-step program to the letter an NEVER EVER lose control, then t´you will become the most beautiful woman in 1-2 years. And all your friends will cry in envy as the carry you out in a casket.

Bulimia nervosa

So you don´t have the backbone for Anorexia nervosa because you´er a weak person who really don´t deserve to live. But self mutilation with a knife causes scars and is ugly, and so you need to punish yourself in away that is both painful and constructive. Yes then Bulimia nervosa is the choice for you. By vomiting after every meal you will get skinny too.

Pros: It´s far more easy to do than Anorexia nervosa as you can eat (to be social) but also go down in weight.

A common rookie mistake. It´s suppose to go IN the toilet!

Cons: It´s rarely said but I think it need to be pointed out that Bulimia nervosa does have some side effects that Anorexia nervosa does not. First, you never really get control over your life, and secondly there are some aesthetic problems you need to know of. The aesthetic problems are: Vomiting can lead to tooth enamel and tooth decay, and although you do get skinnier, you never get a models flat stomach. Because since you eat before you vomit the stomach get´s bloated and soft to the touch. Also you need to know that constant vomiting can destroy some barriers in your stomach and throat which can lead to uncontrolled vomiting at inconvenient times. Fortunately, most people are so shallow they will not take notice.

How to achieve Bulimia nervosa
The first thing you have to do before getting into the Bulimia nervosa program is to acknowledge that you have a problem with eating. You eat too much and too often. As with people in the Anorexia nervosa program you need to know that you do not have control over your body, but unlike those in the Anorexia nervosa program you have to admit your troubles are chronic. You will never have control. Then you enter the three-step program of the Bulimia nervosa; 1) Binge, 2) Release, 3)Repeat

    1) Binge: You need to eat lots of food to build up a pressure in your stomach
    2) Release: This is the hardest step to do and it´s rarely explained to people. First you need a toilet or a bucket or a bush and some privacy. It´s important to make sure no one knows what you are doing, as most people like being fat and will not understand what you are doing. When you have that you need to put your mouth into the toilet, bucket or behind that bush and stick a finger down your throat. Keep the finger deep down in your throat until the food comes up again. Make sure everything you have eaten has come up again. A trick here is to eat something of a different color first, and when that has come up again you´re done. At first this may be hard, but as the days go by this will almost go automatically.
    3) Repeat: Do this ritual over and over again for prefect result.

Anorexia nervosa with Bulimia nervosa on the side (the mix)

This third choice is just a mix of the two mentioned above. Sometimes you don´t eat, sometimes you eat to much and vomit. It´s nice to have this alternative if you fear getting caught. By eating when with friends, but not eating when you are alone and excise every chance you get you will still get that perfect body. Just remembered to brush your teeth after every vomit.

Blog 2.0; -The blog that is all about health and well being:-)

“Hi, jab, jab jab… hijab is great for integration.”

10 Nov

So…

If the western world aren´t suppressing women, gays, other alternative lifestyles, jews, the weak, the strong, the singles, the sexually active, the asexual, blacks, other variations on color, different non western cultures, religion, atheism we are suppressing the integration processes by not allowing certain clothing over others. In Norway, and probably other countries of Europe the discussion is going about how much playing room are we going to give the “non-western traditions” of Hijab, Burqa and Niqāb, As a white Norwegian suppressor (aka man) I should just keep my mouth shut.

Here is my opinion…

It´s not as much suppressive as it´s *bleeping* ugly! I mean look at her. She´s like 20? She looks like an old hag.

The main argument for the non-western fashion statement is that woman chooses to wear these clothing aaaalll by them self from the age of 6 and up. If that is so… fine… no worries. The trouble with the female curtain (aka. hijab) is when it isn´t voluntarily worn and when the walking curtains (not racist, just translational;The Arabic word literally means curtain or cover) demand that European tradition adapt and allow their clothing as part of their uniform (i.e police, judicial robe etc). Sorry friends of Islam… No dice!

If one loves some culture over an other than they should visit, perhaps even move there (hint, hint, hint). This is what I call the alternative to the alternative. By keeping choices clear (i.e “in Norway we don´t disguise our self when we go about”, “in France we talk alot of nonsense and eat baguettes” or “in Iran women don´t look straight at their men“) people are free to choose what they want in their surroundings and few unnecessary conflicts arises.

So feel free to wear hijab in the Iranian or Iraqi police, but in the west that is not apart of the uniform, and hopeful never will… because it´s *bleeping* ugly!

Blog 2.0 -Is all for equality in YOUR country!

Two stories about life and logic.

5 Nov

(I dedicate this entry to Penn Jillette. You´re bullshit;)

Sit down, have a cop of coffee and I shall tell you two tales about life and logic.

I once played chess. I didn´t know the strategies, just how to move the pieces. I still don´t know any strategies. Anyway, I was playing chess and the guy I was playing with had just taken my queen (or some other great piece on my board) and it was looking like I was going to fail. So I said “Well I guess I have to do something unexpecting“, and just moved the knight somewhere.
It became quiet, followed by a sudden laugh. “You just check mated me“, my uponant said. “Of course“, I said, trying hard to hide my surprise. Only giving a signal to my friend that I really didn´t know what the hell I was doing.

Beginner’s luck? Of course. Here´s another example.

I was in the army, learning how to kill people. I can now execute charlies with a cheese and a piece of chalk (what is called the Chock-and-cheese manover). There I met a guy who introduced me to Ayn Rand and objectivism (played bioshock? Basically like that. Except the plasmids, Big Daddies and underwater cities). I believe he was an atheist (as most objectivist are) and he had a profound belief in logic, math and that A=A at any time. Searching around the web (this was before Google became the only way to browse the web) he had found the Monty Hall problem and wanted to show me it. In an online “game” there were three doors, and he asked me to choose one of the doors.
Okay” I said, “The one in the middle“.
He clicked the door and another one opened.
Now choose a new door“, he said.
Okay, I take the middle one again“, I said.
No, don´t do that“, he said and then explained the Monty Hall problem; That mathematically blablabla (read the *bliip*ing wiki article).
Okay“, I said”, I pick the middle one again“.
“What?”, the objectivist said. “You can´t do… eh…fine” and then he pressed the middle door and there was the pot of gold.
I won.
But that was not….” he said,
and I said
Yeah, I hope you learned your lesson

Blog 2.0 - Hopes you´ve learned your lesson.