Archive | February, 2010

Time for some Q&A. Part 1. (“Five to one, baby. one in five. No one here gets out alive”)

27 Feb

My blog has become quite a success. I get many hits a month and so many write to me. I read a lot of letters from many troubled souls in desperate needs of answers. I can’t be bothered with answering everyone, so I instead choose the most common questions, that is best written and post the questions and my answers here.

The first letter is from a lady who we will call “Lady” who lives in Hammerfest. She writes;

“Sometimes when I’m having sex, my vagina makes a noise like I’m passing gas. It’s so embarrassing. What causes it, and how can I prevent it? “

A: Well I don’t know. Go see a doctor, they have all the answers.

The next one is also from a woman. She calls her self Hornymenstrual666 and she asks:

“I’m horny when I have my period. Is it cool to have sex, or will I totally gross my guy out? “

A: I’m glad you asked me that question. First, you don’t own the guy. He isn’t “your guy”. You belong to him. Secondly, as it states in the bible “Have no sex when woman bleed, that is disgusting.”

The next one is from XXXarnoldXXX, who lives in Danmark, and he wonders:

“For head of household filing status, do you have to claim a child as a dependent to qualify?”

A: Yes.

The last one for today is from Joshua3 from Israel.

“Which is worse, failing or never trying?”

A: Failing. You should never try.

Blog 2.0

Blog 2.0 (It will BLOW YOUR MIND!)

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon? (“Well I Wonder”)

25 Feb

To whomever it may concern,

today I talked to a friend about synchronicity and later found it related to what my cousin refers to as Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon. So I searched for the phrase and all I found out was that it was related to synchronicity.

“Baader-Meinhof” but without the “phenomenon” means “The Red Army Faction (German: Rote Armee Fraktion), shortened to RAF and in its early stages commonly known as Baader-Meinhof Group.”

But why is it called “Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon” and not “same song on the radio that you talked to your friend about just before – Phenomenon” (not as catchy I know) or “buzzword phenomenon” or “synchronizing phenomenon”?

So today, too, I experienced something I hope to understand in a few days.

Blog 2.0

Blog 2.0

(Soundtrack to my blog entry)

Give me strength! (“Like oh my god. Like totally.”)

23 Feb

Dear Internet,
there’s a function on youtube called “feature“, which means that people (with lots of money to burn) can pay a sum to be forced upon others while they are watching different videos on the site. This is an example of one of those featured videos.

Now, I wanted to post a comment below this video to scream out my discontent with this completely annoying dumb BH that has stuck her head out to show the depth of her shallowness. I was going to write something like “Do I know that you’re going to the prom/dance/party? No, I do not. Don’t say that I do, or I will take offence.”

Oh, no I didn’t.
Oh, yes I did!

Then I continued by writing “I know the first three digits of pi, what party Obama represents, that there is a financial crisis going on that has forced many people from your country to live on food stamps and that death penalty has no measurable effect on murder rates. But I did not know, or care, that you were going to the dance.” Ohhhohohoho!

Am I right? Am I RIGHT! Can I get a high-five, hey-oh and some other sign of appreciation?

Then at the end I added “(I don’t know why I bother. It’s like talking to a wall. You don’t care *period*. Why should you care about what I am saying.)” And that’s when it dawned on me. So I cancelled my post and went on to write on my own blog instead.

And we all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Blog 2.0

Blog 2.0

About today (“And I’ll stand o’er your grave ‘Til I’m sure that you’re dead”)

18 Feb

Dear Internet,

so a man went crazy today and many died.
(Blog update 9th March: Okay, it wasn’t “many”, it was one. Still Mr. Crazy went on a killing spree.)

Blog 2.0

Blog 2.0

Blog update 27 of april: I won’t post a “Bob Dylan – Master of War” video a third time! Bob Dylan is the biggest capitalist I have ever read about. He really loves money. Bob Dylan has to be the most overrated artist (except Lennon) in history. FUCK BOB DYLAN!

The trouble with freedom of speech (“Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding”)

14 Feb

Dear Internet,

the trouble with freedom of speech is that you can never tell a person to SHUT UP!!!

Yes, you can turn the radio off, not read the article and throw [sic] the TV out the window. Perhaps move up in a cabin in the mountains, and isolate yourself completely. But if you want to be a part of society you have to constantly hear other peoples opinions, that you don’t agree with, that you know, how ever much you argument your case to that person, he or she will feel/think/mean just the same (perhaps because his opinion is based on logic and yours on feelings or vice versa).

But of course you don’t agree.

Blog 2.0

Blog 2.0 - You know, I disagree, this is not "blog 2.0". This is just a regular blog.

Let’s appreciate some art (“and all that jazz!”)

9 Feb

Art is very important! Very, very important. It’s like the essence of existence or something. You are nothing if you can’t appreciate the modern arts. Here are some pieces (that are incidental for sale) that will broaden your mind!

Title: You may not approve old man, but I’m a good person
This first piece is priced at 657 $ and it is a rebel against suppression.

Made by: “Gay” McGee aka. “Bi-curious” McGee formerly known as “Straight” McGee

The artist saysWalking along Broadway on the way to one of my decadent sexy parties I saw a whore being raped in an alleyway. I thought how quaint as I snorted some coke residue from my nose and walked abit faster to meet lady Gaga. I love kissing Lady Gaga on her cheek. It’s so asexually sexual.

Now this piece is a memory to haiti. It’s pro-gay, pro-obama and pro-life… what? oh… Pro-Choice

Title: Whores runs, ladies takes it!
This second piece is priced at 1900 $ and is a scream against suppression. (Note: It’s hung the wrong way, so you should see it right if your head is turned 90 degrees to the left)

Made by: Angry O’Loner

The artist saysThis picture represents the rage I am feeling against Obama right now. How he let us all down. I saw this image in my head when I had just made passionate love to Lady Gaga with some sexy decadent friends and we discussed how art could change the world and I looked out the window. [the artist takes a brake to think]. A homeless person was outside our window, peeing on Jonathan’s installation. The rage boiled in me. Didn’t Obama promise to get rid of all those crazy homeless guys? But mainly it’s a non-figurative. Oh… Oh…. and it’s for Haiti.

Title: Coughed up lungs

This third piece is priced at 2.50 $ and is a choked up anger against everything.

Made by: AndyAce83

The artist says I was walking home from another bad night on the town. Lady Gaga wouldn’t have anything to do with me, not that it mattered because she was in NY and I was in a village in Norway. Anyway, I had drunk alot of wiskey, wine, some strange stuff in a bottle next to the sink… You know, what ever I could find. But something didn’t agree with me. Perhaps it was drinking beer after wine… I don’t know. Anyway, I vomited. Then I took a picture. Now, it’s art.

If it’s for Haiti? Hell no! Let them fight their own wars.”

Humanism vs. Misanthropy (“I can say it doesn’t matter anymore”)

5 Feb

– They want you to believe that humans has the ability for great rationalism!
– Who are “they”?
-Humanist! Well I say humans have the ability for great irrationality. Destruction and hatred. Something happened the other day. Humans in a God forsaken country did some horrible things.
– Yes, but that was irrational. Humanism is about peoples ability to be rational. It’s about being logical and not let emotions run amok.
– Yes, but I felt sorry for them and that’s not rational either.

Blog 2.0

Blog 2.0