Archive | October, 2009

Elfes sæd feces off livers (“[Soooooo, penny-whore], I am a looser baby so why don’t you kill me!”)

26 Oct

I read the blog called “Sad facts of life” and got inspired to make a few of my own.

Blog essential

Blog essential

#1: You’re not alone because you want to, but because no one wants you

#2: Your life isn’t hectic, you are just busy being busy.

#3: Even if you work hard at being different and special there probably will be six billions just like you in the world.

#4: Being a liberal or a socialist does not make you a better person than a conservative or capitalist. You just feel like your better, and that makes you even worse!

#5: Emo kids are not something to make fun at or romantizing, they have a personality disorder and need help.

#6: Children don’t need nice, relaxed parents. They need boundaries and being told they are children!

#7: The internet is not freedom off exchange in opinions, but a place to drown in other’s.

#8: Being a cynic does not make you funny, interesting and smart (or Dr. House), it just makes you a cynic.

#9: Not every act a person does is selfish, it’s just every act you do!

#10: You can read yourself to power (being manipulative), richer (use less, earn more) and more sex with more satisfied people (say he/she is pretty and do oral sex until they breath heavily), but you can not read yourself to happiness.

#11: No one reads your blog because they find your opinions fascinating.
They read it to steal your ideas (and perhaps make money of it).

HOW HOMOPHOBIC ARE YOU???????????? (“I could have been wilde, I could have been free.”)

22 Oct

The test: How long can you watch this video before you get repulsed? NB!
You are not allowed to stop the video at any time, if you do that’s when you stopped watching (we can all stand a little gay at a time!)

0-10 sec: Very homophobic (We are talking “a hater”)
11-30 sec: Homophobic (“No gay marriage”)
3…1-2:00 sec: Neutral (“Gay, what?”)
2:01-3:00 sec: Liberal/meterosexual (“Equal rites”)
3:01-4:30 sec: Fag Hag/Man (“They are a fascinating bunch!”)
4:31-6:00: Wannabegay (“We’re… they’re queer, we’re…they’re here, get used to it!”)
6:01-633: In a danger zone (use condoms!)
6:34 (All the way through): YOU ARE GAY. You are the QUEEN OF GAY and that effeminate mans bitch!

(I saw 7 sec. That makes me a man!!! I fix cars. Not afraid of being dirty and oily. I watch naked pictures of woman and objectify them by thinking of fucking them. Hard! I chop lumber! I am a lumberjack!)

This is a "Don't be a cliché" entry. About individuals in a group working hard to confirm our prejudice.

A little reminder (“Am I gonne see God, Mommy?”)

19 Oct

Right now there are many children with cancer! They look at their parents wondering why their lifes will be cut short as their bodies slowly decay when every cell in their bodies rots away. We can all help them by talking, spending and giving money and perhaps look at blogs where the parents write about their day to day hardships.

Remember when God gives us lemons, you should sell them to others. There are no evils that can’t be banished, and perhaps when the children are dead the parents can come on Operah or Dr. Phil to tell all about their loss. That’s when it is important to watch. To see their tears, and cry with them. That makes you sensitive, and sensitive people are better than others.

So remember; Children with Cancer! It makes you a better person.

Sensitive Poems to make you think! (The Pink Room)

12 Oct

Beginnings for the sensitive Poet.
I saw a genius in the mirror today,
but I don’t think any others would

Across the lonely beach I wander,
seeing the sea
Hearing the waves
Feeling small
Feeling Insecure

Near the lonely knoll I weep,
the tears taste so sweet
Looking down on my feet
Isn’t that sheep
Coming to me
Or am I going Crazy

On the lonely cliff I loiter
Alas, The hornets is buzzing in my brain

Tears don't lie! No, they do not!
An advanced sensitive Poem #1
I am a Barn,

I am empty inside
Cuz the government came and took my baby
Someone will come
Or maybe someday I’ll be gone

An advanced sensitive Poem #2
(aka; a “Sonnet about my mother”)
My mother is sweet
My mother is great
My mother is also my Mother

She doesn’t like that I smoke
She doesn’t like that I drink
But she do like me

As I am drinking my coffee
and smoking my cigarettes
my mind start to wander


Is there anything sader than an out of focus sad clown?

An advanced sensitive Poem #3
(aka: My unique feeling)

I have a feeling no one else have.
Zebra to

Rap music in my brain
Why do I feel so faint

oh so private
No one understands me
and my unique feeling

The Ultimate Sensitive Poem
(aka: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow,
aka; Autumn in Spring
aka; Hypersensitive
aka; Feelings of creativity has been smothered by the Wall

In the autumn I think about pain underneath the trees
Feeling small in the cosmos of beauty
While the clouds drifting
It remind me of suicide
while I am dreaming of leaves falling

You are yourself
I am myself
I feel the loneliness of it all
in the futility of the blight depression of decay loss and the entropy of love
while the flowers, the branches, the trees and the stumps are around me.
God damn First Price Toilet paper
It makes me weep

It makes me weep.

It makes me weep.

(Thanks to “How to be a sensitive poet” guide in the “Love is Hell” book.)

On Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize (“I can see your Halo, Halo, Halooo-oo-oo”)

9 Oct

Remember, remember the 9 of October 2009 (later it will be referred too as “10/9” to make it more significant and timeless). That’s the day Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Norwegians are ambivalent too this, as many are against it and some are for it (also called a democracy).
Why this could happen?“, you may ask. Let me try to explain the whole thing from a Norwegian perspective.

Norway has an inferiority complex, since the swedes bullied us when we were younger. We also have this growing feeling, that infest the entire country and entire culture, that we do not deserve to have it this good. So you can add a self-loading to the inferiority complex. We feel that we somehow owe the rest of the world something, but all we have are money that are pumped up from the sea, so we spend it abroad hoping that other nations will recognize us as kind and generous to ease our inferiority and self-loading. This never happens, or it doesn’t happen enough, so we need to get the rest of the worlds attention by doing something new and nice.

The “new and nice” this month is given President Obama the peace price knowing well that he hasn’t really done anything. At least nothing to do with “peace”. He has of course been braking a race barrier (or something like that) and he has charm and he seems new and nice but he isn’t all that!

To my understanding, Obama has been a disappointment to USA as the “changes” he was talking about didn’t happen over night as everybody thought. He didn’t stop the wars, he didn’t realise all the prisoners from Guantanamo Bay Naval Base and he seems to scare many with is new healthcare system (you have nothing to fear USA, it works for Norway. Although not the exact same system.)

There is also another side of this award. The person who had the honor of giving the reward was a man named Jagland, and he was (or is) a member of the Norwegian left (Labour party) and as the swedes once said; Norway is the last communist country. What that means here is that being a labour party man (never done a days labour in his life, mind you! [citation needed]) he knows that as a leader he must lead and leading means he “has to make unpopular decisions” (the slogan of the party, 2nd only too “ignorance is strength”).

Thirdly, and lastly, as I have said the Norwegians self-loading is great and thus we all look forward to having PRESIDENT OBAMA coming to us and saying stuff like “What a great country” (ahh!), “lovely nature” (ahh!), “Peace loving people” (oh, ahh!) etc. while we jack-off to his praises. This will be an important day for us, many kids will not cut them self that day, and suicide rate will decline. So in many ways; Obama showing up, alone, will be a reason to earn that price.

So now you know (another side of it) and you may use this information as you please. I would just like to add that I do not think this award was wrong, but perhaps a little bit (reads; alot) early. I do not think that Obama is a bad president (I feel calm as he talks). I do not think that Norway has showed carelessness to the Nobel price (as the swedes soon will say) and that we should loose the price to another country (i.e. Sweden). I do however think that Jagland should resign, and that Norway (and other countries if they have an opinion) should have a serious debate as to where this award is going and where we want it to go. Obama, Al Gore and many other prices this past 10-15 years have really been “unpopular decisions”, and has made a mockery of an important event.

Lovebomb 2.1

Lovebomb 2.1

(NB: inferiority complex, self-loading and the Norwegian Labour Party being the new Ingsoc is of course satire. But like all satire, there probably is some truth in it. The comment on suicide and self-harm are all true, though)

What’s up with the movies from this decade? (Bang, bang! You shot me down (for 3 hours))

4 Oct

I don’t know, but it seems that since Lord of the Rings (some say Titanic) movies have gotten steadily longer. And why is that? It’s not that the movies have such great stories to tell that they need an hour more to tell it. Not only that but the directors have gotten lazy. The editing is a complete chaos and the dynamics of the average Hollywood blockbuster have become very strange.

Perhaps I just have become old (as I write this I am 26, the new 173) , and don’t understand the new and “EXTREME” youth culture. That might be true, I didn’t even understand my own “extreme” youth culture. I remember Jackass. My god! The only thing funny about that show (and later films) was that many sub-par kids got killed from imitating (now, that’s funny!). Those jackasses have more blood on their hands than any HIM song could scream, dream and dramatize about. (Even their album “Deep Shadows”. I have never heard it, but it probably sounds just the same as any other emo crap they spyued out. The only thing those guy could brag about is that “they were emoes before it became popular, and stayed it long after the last kid committed suicide”). But I digress.

The point is, although blockbuster movies from Hollywood has always been seen as a low form of art (if it even could be called art) it was at least an entertaining experience. Now, it’s all nonsense. Here are my three reasons for hating the “new generation” movies.

Time vs Fun

This graph illustrates the fun (entertainment value) of a film according the movies length. The Data is taken with permission from my ass.

1) The editing.
The editing is EXTREME! If we can band smokers from bars because of lunge disease we SHOULD BAND the new generation movies in consideration to people with epilepsy. Oh, and people with migraine. There has to be a cut every three seconds at least. (Close-up: man, cut to: close-up woman, cut to: wide-shot). That’s not all. Yes, every three seconds there is a cut, but in those three seconds the camera is still moving. Never static constantly jumping around. I think it was Gene Kelly who said something like “when I am not dancing, the camera should” and that’s all good. But what we are served are not dancing but seizures (“hand-held and shakey too enhance realness”, my fanny. It’s just lazy!).

2) Stories
The stories are horrible, we all know that, but the editing makes them even worse. Hand-held cameras to enhance the “realness” of teenagers fighting for their right to be teenagers. AND THEY LAST FOR THREE HOURS! And then there are all those f*cking remakes!!! Has Hollywood completely dried out? Or is it just the marijuana smoking liberal douche artist that just think “Wow, I had this great idea. What if we… if we like make this [enter successful movie title here] but we just make it darker. So it can relate to our time.” Hey! The world hasn’t gotten darker, it’s just your eyesight who has gotten bad because you are wanking too much! (FACE!)

3) The length
I think it was Aki Olavi Kaurismäki who said that no film should last more than 1 1/2 hours. I remember seeing the first Pirates of the Caribbean and I thought “Wow, lovely pictures, funny ships, funny story, funny… hey, didn’t they visit that cave 10 minutes ago. IS IT JUST ME OR IS THIS MOVIE LOOONG!” And then we are back at the editing again and story. If the story was good and the editing with a point then the last half hour wouldn’t seem like 2 hours, but no.

Take that Hollywoood! Now you can cry on your piles and piles of money! After, of course, you have cried yourself dry from all the European pirate downloading. NEXT: Why pirate downloading of Hollywood movies can save the European cinema (from a Film historical perspective. I will perhaps even quote Bordwell and Thompson. No, just Bordwell.)